Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
