I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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