im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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