pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Randomize
