I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
