Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
