just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
