just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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