Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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