The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
