dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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