I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize