he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
