Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
