i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
