Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
