Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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