Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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