Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
