I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
