So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
