im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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