Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
