I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
