"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize