I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
