if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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