The maid of honor just puked.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize