i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
