she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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