I'm gonna have a badass scar
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize