I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
