i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
