i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
