and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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