So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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