If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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