my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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