You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize