My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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