There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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