he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
