I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
