Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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