I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
