do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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