She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
