So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
