i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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