get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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