you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
