Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
