So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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