dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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