The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
