i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My penis needs a shock collar
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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