so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
