Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
