Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
