My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
