I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
