I'm gonna have a badass scar
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
