talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
