i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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