kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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