epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
