The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
